


I Like The Self I See In You

by kyburg



Category: Dragonriders of Pern - Anne McCaffrey
Genre: Gen, Getting Together, I got your back and you got mine, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 17:59:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17047940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyburg/pseuds/kyburg
Summary: A glimpse into a moment when F'lessan is still a newly bonded dragonrider and Jaxom had more experience with dragons.  But when it comes to knowing who you are, who better to show you than a friendly face?





	I Like The Self I See In You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lleu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lleu/gifts).



> Thank you for chosing one of my favorite series of books, it was fun refreshing my memory. I hope you enjoy this little side trip - a little innocent, a little not. But all good, neh? All good.

"What do they see, d'ya think?"

  
Jaxon looked to F'lessan, sitting on the bank overlooking the wherry fields where the hatchling Golanth was feeding. Ruth, having had his fill at Ruatha Hold earlier in the day, perched near his rider but was content to sun himself, eyes half-closed against the morning sun. _He is very hungry,_ was all the comment Ruth would make of F'lessan's young bronze.

  
Watching dragons feed was something their riders rarely recommended for the uninitiated, so the two of them were reasonably certain they would not be disturbed. On Jaxom's part, if he silently named each wherry Golanth disembowled and devoured with all indications of delight, he didn't feel the need to say it out loud. But when F'lessan off-handedly remarked that one particular specimen resembled Jaxom's milk-brother Dorse before being rent asunder under Golanth's teeth and claws, well - who would fault Jaxom for laughing?

  
The day was bright, the clouds were few and there were no Threadfalls anticipated that day. Needing a diversion, and wanting to see his friend before much more time had elapsed since Golanth's hatching, Jaxom had decided to pay Benden Weyr a visit.

  
It wasn't always possible to give his oldest friend a surprise, but Jaxom loved what it did to F'lessan's expression when he did. Golanth, for all the growing he had done since his hatching, was still not ready to fly with F'lessan. Ruth, full-grown, was just barely larger but didn't pay much attention to the differences - as was usual for the white dragon.

  
F'lessan's face had lit up from within when he had spied Jaxom in his riding leathers at the threshold of Benden Weyr, crossing the room in three steps to hug him, shake him by the shoulders, clapping him soundly on the back, and then handed him enough food and klah to keep him busy while he finished his own meal.

  
The fields at Benden were well-stocked, and the two of them had long ago scouted out places they could be where few would bother them.

  
So, sitting on the berms, F'lessan aimlessly chewing on a stalk of grass and Jaxom hugging his knees to his chest, it was enough for companionable silence. But this was F'lessan, and if there was on constant in his life, it was that F'lessan would always be a steady, reliable source of reassurance. He was also guileless and prone to speaking his mind out loud before thinking - sometimes, it wasn't to his credit but in a world where Jaxom constantly had to guess and account for motivations under the surface of courtly manners and good behavior, it was refreshing, even welcome. "I know what people see when they look at you," Jaxom added quietly. "They see Lessa and F'lar, and glad of it."

  
"True, that," F'lessan said, thoughtfully, shrugging a bit. "I hear it often - you look like your father, you have your mother's temper - all the while ignoring the fact I rarely breathed air with either of them growing up. I keep reminding them of my fostering, but they only see a future with my parents still in it - through me, of course."

  
"Me, I have to wonder," Jaxom said quietly. A Lord Holder at birth by dint of F'lessan's mother relinquishing her claim for the title, Jaxom's upbringing at the hands of a regent and former dragonrider never really erased the fact his mother had died at his birth, and his father had been responsible for it...and so many other deaths while conquering and subjugating seven holds under a crushing rule. No paintings or images survived of his parents, and if Jaxom had ever asked if he resembled either of them, the response had been hushed, furtive and fearful. "If anyone sees my parents in me, does it worry them?"

  
"Do you think they would say?" F'lessan looked at Jaxom out of the corner of his eye, flicking the stem of grass away before sighing and closing his eyes. "Don't answer that, I've seen it myself. You're too well-mannered to be compared to them, and frankly, I think too many of them still believe you are an innocent party, with much asked of you in spite of having much taken from you."

  
Blowing air, Jaxom had nothing to add to that.

  
"It's not fair, by the way," F'lessan added. "Being a placeholder for people no longer among the living - "

  
"Or even sharing space with you," Jaxom muttered. "Yeah, and they'll say they aren't - "

  
"But they do."

  
"Despite best intentions, yeah. They do." Jaxom chewed at at callus on one thumb, considering his next words. "I'm just not sure if I'm imagining it or not. People may want my title, but nobody really wants me harm - because of, y'know."

  
Jaxom silently named the fat wherry currently falling under Golanth's claws after his late, unlamented father Fax. "Your father killed mine, and I'm glad of it, F'lessan."

  
"Never doubted it. I'm glad you've never held it against me."

  
Jaxom could only allow himself a burst of laughter, quickly stifled. "I should be grateful, if the worthless sack of dung had killed F'lar instead - I'd still be here, but without you in it! Fair and profitable trade, you ask me."

  
F'lessan only spread his arms with palms up, shaking his head. "It happened to other people, Jaxom." The sober, quiet tone got Jaxom's attention faster than a shout would have. Turning to look F'lessan in the eye, he was met with an frank, intense gaze with little mirth in it. "We're the innocents in all this, despite what people say."

  
"It's not what they say that bothers me. It's what they don't say, " Jaxom said, turning away to look at his beloved Ruth. "I wish it was as simple as it is with Ruth. He's simply happy, without a care for his breeding or hatching. You know this now, right? Golanth. You have a dragon of your own, and I'm so - "

  
"Grateful?" There again was that sly, sideways look with its wry grin on F'lessan's face. "A bronze, nothing less than what everybody expected, right? Don't get me wrong, he's wonderful and it's all wonderful - wouldn't trade it for anything but. But. Golanth could have been pink - or purple! Bright orange! I wouldn't have cared a whit! But he's a bronze, thank the first shell!" His vision unfocusing in the way Jaxom knew from experience was his dragon speaking to him, F'lesson stifled a guffaw with one hand. "Golanth likes the idea of being orange!"

  
"And he's still hungry."

  
"And he's still hungry."

  
"Next one is named Groghe."

  
"So be it."

  
"He'll be bigger than Ruth within the week," Jaxom added. "Normal, amazing in every possible way."

  
"Another bronze dragon to fight Thread in the Benden wing. A certain relief to my parents, and the best thing that ever happened to me."

  
The tone and words caught Jaxom off guard, but he tossed a handful of mossy dirt at his friend anyway. "Ungrateful, to the last! And not funny, not at all."

  
"Wasn't trying to be. All true, every last word. Tell you what, let me add a few and it will all come out right." Tapping Jaxom on the shoulder, F'lessan drew himself up into a reasonable facsimile of the Master Harper Robinton, down to the invisible glass of wine he was rarely found without. "A triumph for the Weyr, and a blessing to us all! How wonderful that your son has found his heart's mate in Golanth! And just think of how majestic he will be when grown and able to fly Thread side by side with his father! I actually feel a song coming on!"

  
Jaxom threw more dirt, but laughed all the same.

  
Sobering, F'lessan dusted himself off but met Jaxom's eyes. "Jaxom, they will write songs about you - I am sure of it. But none of them will mention your lineage other than it being Ruathan, through and through. Because that is good - and you are good. Through and through. If the people don't know that, the dragons do - and that's truer than life itself. You can't fool a dragon."

  
"Just, what will the songs be about? My sterling wit with fire lizards? How well I can calculate sums while preparing the yearly budget? It's a fair assumption Ruth is in no danger of dying young anymore, so there are no plans anymore for the infernal dirges - "

  
"Hmm. Care to take a guess at what they plan to say about me? Or - more like, what I hope they'll sing?"

  
Looking into F'lessan's grinning face, it was hard to stay irritated about harpers, their habits or the internal list of expectations Jaxom mentally ticked off on a regular basis. But his friend looked ready to burst out with his answer - but then paused, his expression softening. "F'lessan, what are you thinking about..." Jaxom knew that look. It usually meant mischief was soon to follow.

  
"I want them to remember me as the one who knows what others need, and provides it without thinking, or counting its cost. That I was good, truly good - both in spirit and deed. Never a harsh word, or a grudge. Fair, patient and a good listener - "

  
Nodding, Jaxom cocked his head as he listened. They were all good traits, and he found himself thinking his mentor, Lytol would approve as well. "So - no grand gestures or heroic measures?"

  
Closing his eyes, F'lessan shook his head. "If you were honest, you'd realize we both had all of that at our births. Nah, we're done with that. Done!

  
"To be honest, I'd like to be the man I am when I'm with you, Jaxom."

  
_Happy, loved, secure - clever, daring but not foolish...._ "It's the same by me," Jaxom blurted out before he realized it. "I am happiest with myself when I see you there."

  
"Ha! What do I see when I look at you? My best self - "

  
"And what I see in you? What I strive to be, in spite of who I am. What I must become."

  
Jaxom loved it when he could surprise F'lessan. Few things made him as happy, and fewer things satisfied Jaxom than knowing he could do that for him.

  
"I will always be ready to remind you that you are the best part of me, Jaxom. The honorable, the good and steadfast self. I tell you, they will write songs about you - and I am as certain as life itself we have no idea what they will be about!"

  
There was little to say to that. "May I make it possible for you to be more than your lineage, F'lessan."

  
"Oh, you already do. Keep doing it, and all will be well. I am sure of it."

  
"Keep me honest, F'lessan. Keep me brave."

  
Surprise made him glow. Love made him beautiful.

**Author's Note:**

> WHEW. Made it! This has been a long, terrible year with little writing of any kind in it. I hope you enjoyed the story, and as always - comments are welcome, patted on the head and given sweets and good homes.


End file.
